Tale-Spin

29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know Gods righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
(Romans 1:29-32 NIV)

The Apostle Paul, in the letter to those in Rome is describing a group of people who are classified as ungodly, unrighteous, and suppressers of the truth[i]. He uses descriptions like wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, murders, deceitful, and evil-mindedness. To say the least, these are intense adjectives. Interestingly, there is a word listed among these that seems almost out of place, at least out of category. He says, they are gossips. We dont typically place gossiping and murder as weighing in the same on the sin scale.

Gossip is placed in the same class as some pretty destructive forces. What is it about gossip that makes it so lethal and destructive? What is gossip?

The word gossip or talebearer, as used in ancient times meant,

scandal-monger (as traveling about),
one who carries tales, slander, informer.[ii]
a person who habitually reveals rumors or reports of an intimate nature,
personal or sensational facts,
informal conversation.[iii]

The word was used to describe the occupation of a merchant, trafficker, or trader.[iv]

Just as a merchant would go about from place to place in order to peddle, traffic and trade his merchandize, so a gossiper or talebearer goes about from place to place to peddle, traffic and trade their information be it information, slander or some secondhand fictitious tale. As the merchant, after making their solicitations among the people, leave with profit in hand, so the gossip finds a deep internal and emotional profit from their sharing and acquiring of information about others. Often, being the in the know with something new to share, allows for a means of perceived connection with others and a sense of self significance.

Three ministers went fishing one day, all friends who pastored different churches in the same town. While they were fishing they began confessing their sins to each other. The first pastor said, "Do you know what my big sin is? My big sin is drinking. I know it's wrong, but every Friday night I drive to a city where no one will recognize me, and I go to a saloon and get drunk. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it, it's my big sin." The second pastor said, "Well fellas, to be honest with you, I've got a big sin too. My big sin is gambling. As a matter of fact, you know all the money I raised for that mission trip to India? I took it to Las Vegas instead and lost it all. I'm so ashamed, my big sin is gambling." Finally it was the third pastor's turn. He said, "Guys, I probably should have gone first, because my big sin is gossiping."

Several things happen when we allow ourselves to talk about other people in their absence. Stories often become twisted, personality flaws and personal failures typically become the highlight of discussion. One or both parties involved in the discussion become seriously affected in how they look at this particular person. Residual feelings, hurts, wounds, and opinions become validated, reinforced, and more deeply entrenched within. Many of these hurts, wounds, and opinions are skewed in their initial interpretation, with great need of clarification. The challenge is that clarification can only come from the person whom the perception is towards. This clarification will rarely if ever be gleaned from talking to another, it is best found in the presence of the person in question. This is precisely why Jesus instructs us to go directly to that person.[v]



q What is it inside us that has a tendency to feel a sense of significance by being in the know? (as it relates to other people)

A turtle lays thousands of eggs without anyone knowing,
but when the hen lays an egg, the whole country is informed.
Malayan proverb

I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
Calvin Coolidge

Talk is cheap because the supply always exceeds the demand.
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do
and always a clever thing to say.
Will Durant

Blessed are they who have nothing to say,
and who cannot be persuaded to say it.
James Russell Lowell

[i] ungodly, unrigheous, and suppressers of truth. (Romans 1:18).
[ii] New Testament Lexicon, ref. no. 7400.
[iii] Merriam-Webster, I. 1996, c1993. Merriam-Webster's collegiate dictionary. Includes index. (10th ed.). Merriam-Webster: Springfield, Mass., U.S.A.
[iv] New Testament Lexicon, ref. no. 7402.
[v] Directly to that person: (Matthew 18:21).

Insert Foot

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
(Proverbs 10:19 NASB)

The writer of Proverbs makes an acute observation. Wisdom is demonstrated by the restraining of the lips and the guarding of the mouth. One with knowledge possesses information about something, but one with wisdom actually has the ability to make effective use of that information in their daily life. There are many who possess great knowledge about the ways of God, unfortunately there aren’t quite as many who possess the corresponding wisdom and are able to make effectual use of that knowledge. Wisdom is the necessary component outlined in this verse. No doubt, Solomon is speaking from personal experience and observation. He has seen the propensity within humans to fill silence with a multitude of words. His concluding observation is simply this – where there are many words, sin will also exist in unquenchable measures. He said, “transgression is unavoidable.” This phrase could have also been translated, “transgression is unstoppable.”

Meditate on the following thoughts and quotes:

“He who guards his lips guards his life,
but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”
(Proverbs 13:3 NIV)

“A lying tongue hates those it hurts,

and a flattering mouth works ruin.”
(Proverbs 26:28 NIV)



“He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.”
(Proverbs 18:13)



“He who has a deceitful heart finds no good,
And he who has a perverse tongue falls into evil.”
(Proverbs 17:20)


“An evildoer gives heed to false lips;
A liar listens eagerly to a spiteful tongue.”
(Proverbs 17:4)

q Does your foot spend more time in your mouth or in your shoe?

New Series

Community Therapy

“9-Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10-For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11-Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12-Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

(Ecclesiastes 4:11)

The Picture is called The Rescuing Hug. The picture warms your heart simply upon looking at it, but it inspires you beyond a warm-fuzzy when you know the story. It is the picture of premature twins with one’s arm around the other. Here is the story of the first week in the life of this set of twins. Apparently, each twin was in her respective incubator, and one was not expected to live. A hospital nurse fought against the hospital rules and placed the babies in one incubator. When they were placed together, the healthier of the two threw an arm over her sister in an endearing embrace. The smaller baby’s heart rate stabilized, and her temperature rose to normal.[i]

This is a perfect picture of what the Body of Christ is meant to be – members of one another, embracing one another, releasing the life of Christ. Each of us is responsible to engage in personal transformation and spiritual development. God’s desire is that we expand into whole people. Full-Life development in Christ is impossible without full-life engagement in a community of Christ followers. From the beginning, we were designed for community.
We are called to be people, who like Velcro, connect ourselves intimately to others and allow others to connect themselves to us.



Most Important Words for Getting Along With People

The SIX most important words: “I admit I made a mistake.”

The FIVE most important words: “You did a good job.”

The FOUR most important words: “What do you think?”

The THREE most important words: “After you, please.”

The TWO most important words: “Thank you.”

The ONE most important word: “We” The LEAST important word: “I”[ii]



q How have you been challenged over the last month?



q What has God been teaching you through this process?


q What are the keep areas that you need to grow in as it relates to interpersonal-relational skills?

q Have you begun to connect with a Truth-Teller?



q Take some time and reflect, pray, and journal. (Perhaps it would be helpful to look back through this month’s devotional to see what key themes and topics stick out to you.)

[i] http://www.daurelia.com/spirit/rescue.htm.
[ii] Source unknown .

Lighten up

“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart,
and good news gives health to the bones. “
(Proverbs 15:30 NIV)

Recent studies have found that the contagion of joy is so powerful that when we see even a picture of someone smiling – a “cheerful look” – we tend to smile back. Smiling and laughter produce relief from stress by releasing pain-killing, euphoria-producing endorphins, enkephalins, dopamine, noradrenaline, and adrenaline. Proverbs turns out to be true at the most physiological level.

“A merry heart does good, like medicine.”
(Proverbs 17:22)

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
(Proverbs 15:13)

W. H. Audem wrote, “Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.”

A child laughs 400 times a day on average, while an adult laughs only 15 times a day.

The expression of authentic happiness is what researchers call a zygomatic smile. It takes its name from the zygomaticus muscles that produce it. The signs of a zygomatic smile are the lip corners turning upward and also crow’s-feet showing around the eyes. Here is where the connection between the human body and the human spirit is truly amazing. We can show a polite grin or a camera smile at will. In such cases, people make their lips go up, but no crow’s-fee are visible.

The polite smile can be manipulated; that is why the smiles that people put on their faces for photographs often look forced. But the zygomatic smile is hard to fake. It is a smile that goes all the way up to the eyes. This distinction begins early; five-month-old infants show the eye-muscle smile when the mother approaches, but a smile without the eye muscle when a stranger approaches.

People who don’t take themselves too seriously give a great gift to those around them. In contrast, joy-challenged people face a serious handicap in trying to live in community.
It’s an amazing truth: Being fully right rarely brings as much life to people as simply being human. Sometime ago a psychology journal published an article entitled “The Effect of a Pratfal on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness.” The surprising conclusion: “Seeing someone you admire do something stupid or clumsy will make you like him more.”[i] People are hungry for joy-bringers. We are about thirty times more likely to laugh when we are with other people than when we are alone. Research indicates that people in good spirits may laugh one hundred to four hundred times a day. (Go ahead and take a quick review of your day.) Other folks may go through a day without a single smile.[ii]



q On average, how many times a day do you laugh?


It is commonly quoted that it takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.


Meditate on,

“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart,
and good news gives health to the bones."
(Proverbs 15:30 NIV)

“A merry heart does good, like medicine.”
(Proverbs 17:22)

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
(Proverbs 15:13)

Action: Give random smiles to people at work and public. Go out of your way to release Life, Love & Laughter.




[i] “The Effect of Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness”” Article by E. Aaronson, B. Willerman, and J. Floyd in Psychometric Science 4 (1966).
[ii] John Ortberg, Everybody’s Normal, 114, 116.

Small is the new Large

“1-Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. 2-During supper, the devil having already put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon, to betray Him, 3-Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, 4-got up from supper, and *laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. 5-Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. 6-So He *came to Simon Peter. He *said to Him, "Lord, do You wash my feet?" 7-Jesus answered and said to him, "What I do you do not realize now, but you will understand hereafter." 8-Peter said to Him, "Never shall You wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me." 9-Simon Peter *said to Him, "Lord, then wash not only my feet, but also my hands and my head." 10-Jesus *said to him, "He who has bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you." 11-For He knew the one who was betraying Him; for this reason He said, "Not all of you are clean." 12-So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? 13-"You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. 14-"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15-"For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. 16-"Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. 17-"If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.”
(John 13:1-17)

We live in a self-centered culture. The majority of our thoughts and plans are driven from our own desires. Occupations, friendships, even church are often become deduced to “how does this benefit me?” or “what’s in it for me?” In order for us to move beyond levels of superficiality and enter into true and honest conversations, we must learn the art of kneeling before another with open hands and a servant’s heart.



q What example did Jesus give to us in John 13.



q What was Jesus’ instruction to the disciples?




q How can His instructions be implemented into your life today (this week)?



-It may help you to prayerfully make a list: at home, with my spouse, in my
neighborhood, at work, at church, etc.

“It is high time that the ideal of success should
be replaced by the ideal of service.”
Einstein

“Only the hands that give away the flowers of their
plucking retain the fragrance thereof.”
Chinese Proverb


“The measure of a man is not the number of his servants,
but the number of people he serves.”
Moody


“There are many of us that are willing to do great things for the Lord,
but few of us are willing to do little things.”
Moody


“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us.
What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.”
Pine

Can You Hear Me Now?

“Now therefore, listen to me, my children;
Pay attention to the words of my mouth.”
(Proverbs 7:24)

Experts tell us that when we’re communicating with someone else, communication has to go through at least six different levels or layers. There is what you mean to say, what you actually say, what the other person hears, what the other person thinks he hears, what the other person says about what you said, and what you think the other person said about what you said. All of that! It’s no wonder we are confused when we talk to each other!

Recently, I came across actual label instructions on some consumer goods that show how ridiculous our communication can be. For instance, on a Sears hair dryer, it read: “Do not use while sleeping.” (I didn’t know that was a problem!)
And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair? On a bar of Dial soap, it read:
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On some Swanson frozen dinners, it reads:
“Serving suggestion: defrost.” (But it’s only a suggestion!)
On the packaging for an iron, it said:
“Do not iron clothes while on body.”
Yeah, but it saves all kinds of time!
On Nytol sleep aid, it reads:
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (And I’m taking this because...???) On a bag of peanuts, it reads:
“Warning: contains nuts.”
Now, there’s a news flash! But maybe the classic was on a child’s Superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
No kidding!

Haven’t you found it’s so easy to think you’re saying something when you’re not being understood? If I’m going to demonstrate truthfulness in a relationship, I have to speak with caution and with clarity. Often this requires simply saying less and actually listening for a change.

Henri Nouwen tells how when Abba Arsenius, a wealthy Roman senator who abandoned his social prominence to become a monk, prayed, “Lord, lead me into the way of salvation,” he heard a voice saying, “Be silent.”[i]

“When we practice silence” writes John Ortberg, “we begin to learn amazing things.” He continues,

We can live without getting the last word. We can live without trying to make sure we control how other people are thinking about us. We can live without winning every argument, without powering up over every decision, without always drawing attention to ourselves.

One last observation here: Use wisdom in using silence.

If you’re a husband arriving home from work, and your wife wants to connect soul-to-soul and asks how your day went, you might not want to say, “When words are many, sin is not absent” (Proverbs 10:19).

If the wife is wise, she may reply with Proverbs 15:11: “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Which means, “Start talking or I’m going to go buy jewelry.”

When we stop talking, we also have the opportunity to engage in the most important intimacy-building skill in the world: listening.

The New Testament writer James says, in one of the most often violated commands in all of Scripture, that every one should be

“quick to listen, slow to speak.”
(James 1:19)

Listening, writes Daniel Goleman, is the single most important relational skill a person can develop. “Asking astute questions, being open-minded and understanding, not interrupting, seeking suggestions”[ii] are all ways of communicating to other human beings that they matter.

People are starving for attention. The results of a study of teenage prostitutes in San Francisco are recounted in the book Am I Making Myself Clear?[iii] When they asked what they lacked at home that caused them to run away, the girl’s answers came down almost universally to three words: “Someone to listen.”

Consider the famous story about British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his great political rival, William Gladstone. Legend has it that a lady was taken to dinner one evening by Gladstone and the next by Disraeli. When asked her impression of the two men, she replied, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England."[iv]

An engaging aspect of Jesus’ life is that although he was the greatest teacher who ever lived, he spent an enormous amount of time simply listening to people. He especially listened to people whom no one else bothered with, such as Zacchaeus the tax collector and the paralytic at the pool of Bethesda.

Isn’t it ironic that we try to impress people by saying clever or funny things, yet nothing binds one human being to another more than the sense that they have been deeply, carefully listened to. It is no accident that we speak of paying attention to people; attention is the most valuable currency we have.[v]

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.
The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.
When we are listened to, it creates us,
makes us unfold and expand.”
Anonymous

q Who is the best listener you know?


q What is it in them that makes them an effective listener?




q How do you feel when you are conversing with them?





q Why is it so hard to really listen to someone?





Action: This week be very conscious of your level of attentiveness and listening to others. Be very intentional about giving them your full attention of heart and ear.


“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”
Jiddu Krishnamuriti

“You seldom listen to me, and when you do you don’t hear, and when you do hear you hear wrong, and even when you hear right you change it so fast that it’s never the same.”
Marjorie Kellogg



“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation.”
Chinese Proverb



“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”
Ernest Hemingway


Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.”
Andre Gide

[i] Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry, New York: HarperCollins, 1991, 43.
[ii] Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books, 1995, 176.
[iii] Terry, Felber, Am I Making Myself Clear? Secrets of the World’s Greatest Communicators, Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2002, 56.
[iv] Roxanne Roberts, “The Rich Resonance of Small Talk,” Washington Post, October 19, 2004; Page C09.
[v] John Ortberg, Everybody’s Normal, 112-113.